A few years ago I was at a rooftop cookout where I met a woman named Tricia*. At the time I met her Tricia was a medical student at the University of Chicago and was balancing school and dating. Prior to my arrival at the cookout Tricia had shared with several of the guests that she had a first date earlier that day. By the time I joined the conversation Tricia was seeking feedback from the other female guests about the date trying to analyse things like what he said, his facial expresses, and what he ordered. I was eventually asked for my input. I simply said ?Did you have a good time??, to which Tricia replied ?Yes?. I followed with ?That is all you need to think about right now.?
Women like Tricia make a common mistake that I repeatedly made when I was single. You over analyse the first date and try to find meaning in things where no meaning can be found. This is problematic because your mind is consumed with things that are irrelevant to the current situation leaving you little time to take a step back and ask yourself ?Did I have fun??, and ?Is this someone I would like to see again?? Instead you jump ahead of yourself and think ?Would he make a good husband?? or ?Could he fit in well with my family?? Girl, you?ve only had one date!!!! Let?s not start picking out China patterns.
Things get even worse when you start to analyse during the date. I was 100% guilty of this. As my dates told me stories of their lives I would put my critical thinking skills into overdrive and start to look for red flags. Never did I take a step back and ask myself if I was having a good time. I was too busy ranking the severity of the red flags.

What I had to learn was how to be present in the moment. When I would spend date analyzing his words and actions I took myself out of the present moment of being in his company and spending it in my head. A huge mind-shift occurred on my part, and I got into a habit of quickly dismissing any analytic thinking while on the first four dates with a guy. This forced me to become more in-tune with my feelings and resulted in me having more pleasurable dates.
Even though I am married I still have to work on being present in the moment. When my husband and I have dates those analytic thoughts start to creep in and I quickly push them aside. I have more fun with him when I am simply enjoying his company.
As for Tricia – she is currently engaged (but not to the guy I spoke about earlier). I have seen her a few times since our conversation years ago and she always remarks about how our conversation changed the way she approached dating.
What are your thoughts on how to be present in the moment? Leave your thoughts below:

*Tricia?s name is a disguise

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission?s 16 CFR, Part 225: ?Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.?